About  Me

effy_fullshootI am a European living in New York. And I’m a relationship coach: I am dedicated to demystifying the world of relationships and tackling difficult questions with creative solutions. Relationships don’t have to be scary. Through my journey I’ve learned how to deconstruct them to best serve my needs. Design your relationship to work for you!

 


 

I tried the conventional relationship model, but that didn’t work for me. I decided there must be something wrong with me. Now I know that isn’t true. There are options out there! I am humbled to use my career and voice to help others who stand where I once did. At the time, I felt like an outsider.

 

After swearing off relationships and pouring myself into a successful career in advertising, I cultivated excellent people skills, perseverance, and problem solving. Ten years later, I discovered New York’s sex-positive community. I had found my tribe, as well as the next thing I wanted to pour myself into: relationship design.

 

I began my research. From psychology textbooks to blogs, from roundtable discussions to academic lectures, I read, listened to, and participated in everything I could find on the subject. Throughout this journey, I recognized my capacity to nurture wonderful relationships of all shapes and sizes:

 

  • Triads (three people in a committed relationship)
  • Transparently dating multiple lovers simultaneously
  • Having a primary partner and intimate friends who are all close with each other
  • Cultivating a long-term relationship with someone who has a primary partner (I was in their wedding party as Best Ma’am!)

 

The conclusion of my years of research was this: there is no single model that suits everyone. All relationships deserve to be a custom fit for all parties involved. I have built up a successful coaching practice around these values. I work with singles or couples either curious about or in the process of opening up their relationships. I guide and facilitate as my clients ethically and mindfully create a relationship by design that fits them. Are you ready to design your relationship? Meet your architect.

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your relationships.”

WHAT DO OTHERS HAVE TO SAY?

"Polyamory can seem like a dark, undiscovered landscape to those taking their first steps forward, but Effy's warmth, openness, and curiosity is the sunrise over a placid and beautiful landscape."

Curious Fox

 


 

"If I have any advice for others considering a session, it would be to sit with Effy now, whether you feel there is an issue to tackle or not. So much lies under the surface undetectable until, often, it has done the damage. I believe time with Effy and her insight, her observations, can change that."

Coaching Client

 


 

"Effy's way of engaging me in conversation evoked an incredible sense of clarity and vulnerability in areas I had previously been unwittingly resistant to facing. Very quickly she made me feel at ease."

Coaching Client

collab-janet-hardy-booksigning
Being photographed at Cosmo for a feature about play parties.

PRESS


GET MORE PRESS HERE.

WHAT AM I READING RIGHT NOW?


START WITH WHY

The leaders who've had the greatest influence in the world all think, act, and communicate the same way -- and it's the opposite of what everyone else does. Sinek calls this powerful idea The Golden Circle, and it provides a framework upon which organizations can be built, movements can be led, and people can be inspired. And it all starts with WHY.

THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK

In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.

ATTACHED.

In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

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